I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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