Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
