I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
