Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
