Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
