Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
