Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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