____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
