I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
