In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
