walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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