my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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