It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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