She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Randomize
