What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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