yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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