My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
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