Only a mothe r could love this liver
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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