I CAN MOONWALK!
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize
