the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
