i just google imaged poop.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
