I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
All I want is dick and wine.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
