yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
