I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I could fuck to npr.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
