Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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