where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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