I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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