It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Randomize
