do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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