I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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