I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
she peed on how many people?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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