Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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