Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
