I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
is that a dick in a sweater?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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