The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
