God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
