So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
