tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
