Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
