That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize