Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
