Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
