ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
