I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
