I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
