Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
