where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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