He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
