Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
