There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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