Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
